FAMILY MEDIATION

This page is devoted to family mediation, one of the processes available to separating couples to resolve the issues that arise on the breakdown of a marriage or common law relationship. Family mediation has distinct advantages over other processes, including litigation and non-interest-based negotiation.

What Separating Couples Need

When couples separate, they need to untangle the various aspects of their matrimonial or common law relationship. These include parenting arrangements, child and spousal support, financial interdependence, equalization of property, and responsibility for debts. The sorting out of these rights and entitlements is usually made more difficult by the emotional aspects of separation, the involvement of new partners, and the feelings of other persons involved, including children and extended family members.

In order to move forward with their lives, individuals need a process for final determination of these issues, but choosing the right process can be difficult. Individuals caught in this situation are often in a state of turmoil and vulnerable to poor advice. The advice sometimes comes from many quarters including family, friends, new partners, fellow workers, and the Internet.

Some do take a “do-it-yourself” approach and avoid professional help altogether. Even if an agreement is reached, it may be incomplete or otherwise lack the essential ingredients of a binding contract. In the event of further dispute, the agreement may be unenforceable or even set aside by the Court.

At the other end of the spectrum is litigation. There are definitely cases that require the Court’s assistance for final resolution. For most couples however, the choice of litigation will generally result in the highest level of conflict and emotional and financial impact. In between the choices of “do-it-yourself” and litigation, there are various models for negotiation of an agreement. One of these is family mediation.

What Separating Couples Want

Despite all of the confusion that individuals understandably face in these circumstances, the vast majority of people involved in separation want the same three things: (1) To get it over with as soon as possible, (2) To avoid conflict, and (3) To avoid excessive cost. Family mediation is a process by which couples can and do reach agreement quickly and at comparatively low cost. Family mediation is interest based and collaborative. With the mediator’s assistance, couples are usually able to have constructive discussion leading to agreement. Unnecessary conflict is avoided altogether.

How Does Family Mediation Work

Couples who choose mediation will find that the process is receptive to their needs. In the initial contact, the mediator will determine whether or not lawyers are involved with either party, and if so, will speak to the lawyers to address initial concerns and ensure that the lawyers provide input as to what issues need to be resolved and how they can assist the mediator. In some cases, the lawyers will participate directly in the mediation session. The lawyer’s role in this circumstance is to assist and advise his or her client rather than to advocate. A mediation with counsel can be a highly focused, efficient, and effective means of reaching quick resolution sometimes, and will
require only one mediation session.

Mediations without counsel are the choice of many couples. The individuals will be advised by the mediator to have independent legal advice during and at the conclusion of the mediation and definitely before an agreement is signed. In the initial contact, the mediator will be concerned with whether or not the couple is suitable for mediation. The mediator will have individual meetings with the spouses to ensure that there is no serious power imbalance which would make it difficult for one or the other party to handle his or her own negotiations. The mediator will then have joint sessions with the spouses. The mediator’s role is to be a neutral facilitator helping the couple to engage in constructive discussions leading to agreement on all of the issues. The mediator will help the couple to deal thoroughly with each issue and to ensure that all issues necessary to a proper agreement are canvassed. If more than one session is required, the mediator will prepare a memorandum after each session setting out what matters have been discussed and where agreements, tentative or otherwise, have been reached.

When there is consensus in respect of all issues which need to be resolved, the parties will assist the mediator in the preparation of a separation agreement. Where the parties have lawyers, they may choose to have the mediator provide a memorandum of their understanding to the lawyers who can then prepare the agreement. In either event, the mediator will advise the parties that they should have independent legal advice before signing the separation agreement.

Advantages of Mediation

As a choice of process, family mediation has many advantages. In mediation, the parties are participating directly in the negotiation. The mediator encourages active listening. The parties are encouraged to express themselves clearly as to what is of greatest importance and what needs to be in an agreement to make it work for both sides. Unlike other processes, in family mediation the parties have an opportunity to have a full voice and be heard and understood. This amounts to a validation of feelings which rarely happens in other processes. In family mediation, issues that might never be heard in other processes can be given time and importance. The parties’ direct participation in the negotiation and resolution of the issues means that the agreement is likely to be a lasting and reliable resolution. The parties learn that despite their differences, they can learn to reach agreement on substantial areas of dispute and that if future problems arise, they will be able to come back to this process to settle differences. The success rate for family mediation is higher than 80 percent. This means that more than 80 percent of all couples who choose family mediation reach an agreement that settles all of their issues. This is an important statistic because “success” in this case is success for both parties because they have both participated and accepted the terms of settlement.

The costs involved in family mediation will generally be far less than the costs involved in any other process for resolution of family disputes.

Outside Expertise

Family mediation is flexible and allows for input from other professionals, whose expertise is needed to help deal with particular issues. Examples include counseling to resolve access issues or the determination of children’s wishes, qualified appraisers to provide values for assets subject to equalization, and the involvement of someone with financial expertise. The mediator will be able to assist the parties choose the outside services best suited to the couple’s particular needs. Instead of the extra costs and greater possibility of conflict involved in each spouse having his or her own experts, the couple in mediation can employ outside assistance collaboratively and efficiently.

Summary

Family mediation is not the only choice available, but for most couples it is the best choice. It allows each individual to participate fully in and direct the final result. It produces results quickly and at reasonable costs, and allows couples to disengage calmly and with dignity.

Copyright reserved to Robert D. Hammond

FAMILY MEDIATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION SERVICES 
OF THE MEDIATION   CENTRE OF SOUTHEASTERN ONTARIO

Family Mediation services typically deal with such matters as -- a “Parenting Plan” – custody and access; Child Support; Spousal Support; Health and Dental Coverage; Life Insurance Coverage;   and Property Division and Equalization.

Other related areas of Mediation/Conflict Resolution services affecting families include:- assistance with efforts at Reconciliation; Extended Family disputes, including ‘Elder Law’ issues; difficulties as between Parents and Children, especially Teen-Age Children; and disagreements relating to Estate matters.

To assist with an understanding of the contribution that Family Mediation can offer, some “FAMILY  MEDIATION STORIES” are set out below.

The full range of Family Mediation services is provided by MCSO Mediator Robert D. Hammond of Hammond Osborne, The Boardwalk, 9 Broad Street, Suite 207, Brockville ON K6V 6Z4, Toll Free (877) 498-0944, Tel. (613) 498-0944, Fax (613) 498-0946, email rob@hammondosborne.ca.

Mr. Hammond, whose offices are in Brockville, provides Family Mediation services there and in Kingston, Kemptville and Ottawa. He is an accredited Family Mediator of many years standing with the Ontario Association for Family Mediation and has completed the demanding training required for accreditation   provided by that organization. For further information on Mr. Hammond and the services that his office provides, see his Professional Profile elsewhere on this MCSO web site, and his own web site at www.hammondosborne.ca.

Other MCSO Mediators, whose Professional Profiles also appear elsewhere on this web site, are available to assist with specific types of Family matters requiring Mediation/Conflict Resolution assistance.

Family Mediation Stories

Ted and Mary The Matrimonial Home Stalemate

Ted and Mary were married for 23 years. They are in their forties. They have three children, one of whom is at university and two who are still at home.

ed’s position pays him about $120,000.00 per year. Mary works part time in the home and earns less than $20,000.00.

Mary has been the main care provider for the children. She wants to stay in the home and be the primary caregiver. She expects to be supported by Ted indefinitely. ...more

Chris and Janet - The Pie in the Sky

Chris and Janet are in their fifties and at the end of a relationship that included only a few years of marriage following a shorter period of cohabitation.

Janet was previously married and divorced. Chris was not previously married. There are no children.

Chris has a position with a large consulting firm where his income varies depending on the number of assignments he receives each year and the amount of his annual bonuses. His recent average income has been at least $120,000.00 per annum, but his future income is uncertain. ...more

Giovanni and Sophia - The Business

Giovanni and Sophia have been married for more than 20 years. This was a second marriage for Sophia who had one child by her first marriage who has been raised within this marriage. This child is now living independently.

Giovanni is a hard-nosed businessman. He was a successful salesman for many years and then developed his own business. Subsequently, his business has merged with that of a competitor. Giovanni is now part of an aggressive partnership involving three shareholders. The revenues for this business are growing and so far the business has provided Giovanni with income of more than $100,000.00 per year. ...more